I honestly never wanted to write about this because it reveals something that once caused my faith to waver. Now that we are in the midst of something that causes anxiety and fear to creep in, I know I need to share my story. God reminded me that my testimony is important. It is meant to be shared to point others to Him.
It all started out with a cold sore. We had just brought our newborn son home and a week later I developed a cold sore. I had recently read an article on Facebook of a newborn baby passing away from a simple kiss from a loved one who was carrying the virus. I began to freak out. I instantly started googling. Each article I clicked lead me to another and before I knew it I felt like I could work for the CDC. I learned so much about various viruses and infections and how they spread.
Anxiety knocked at my front door and I let the stranger in. The knowledge I now had made me fearful of the unknown. Every time I walked into a place that was not my home, I feared what was lingering on every doorknob, light switch, dirty floor… you name it. I never left the house without a pack of wet ones and hand sanitizer. I secretly judged people that didn’t wash their hands before eating.
We still went out and took vacations but we always packed a bottle of disinfectant spray for the hotel and a pair of our own sheets. I knew it had gotten worse when a waitress with a bad cough gave us our drinks and I told my husband that I needed to wipe down the outside of our cups before we devoured our chips and salsa.
I began to notice that I was physically present at social gatherings, but not mentally there. I had to make a decision to replace my troubling thoughts with God’s Word. I needed God to transform my mind. I needed to relinquish control and give my worries to Him.
My turning point came when I let the following Bible passage sink in.
“Just then, a woman who had suffered from bleeding for 12 years approached from behind and touched the tassel on His robe, for she said to herself, “If I can just touch His robe, I’ll be made well!
But Jesus turned and saw her. “Have courage, daughter,” He said. “Your faith has made you well.” And the woman was made well from that moment.”
Matthew 9:20-22
It is apparent that this woman had a physical illness. She had suffered from bleeding for 12 years. She had spent all her resources trying to find someone to heal her. She was in social isolation because Levitical laws prescribed that a woman was ceremonially unclean during her cycle. During this time, anyone who touched her or any surface she sat or lied on was also unclean. She was isolated. She was lonely. I imagine she not only suffered physically, but also mentally and emotionally.
This woman knew if she could just touch the tassel of Jesus’ robe, she would be healed. And that is exactly what happened. But Jesus didn’t just heal her, He called her His own daughter. This woman was loved. And perfect love, casts out all fear. 1 John 4:18
Now when fear and anxiety creep in, I hear, “Daughter, have courage.” I fill myself with God’s Word and I am reminded that I am His. Yes, I still take precautions, but my mindset has changed. I am able to be fully present. I’m able to lock my door and not allow the enemy to come in and steal my joy.
I am now pregnant with my second child during the midst of a pandemic. I thought I would be more fearful. I thought I would be the first one to panic. But I feel a sense of peace that I know only comes from my Heavenly Father. I stay informed, but I’m able to choose wisdom over fear and spend more time reading my Bible than scrolling through social media.
I don’t know what my delivery will be like in May. The hospital might restrict the number of people allowed in the room, but they can’t restrict the presence of God. I envision Him standing next to me telling me, “Daughter, have courage,” as we welcome another one of His sons or daughters into this world.
What if the healing doesn’t come instantly? What if it doesn’t come at all? You are still His daughter or His son. He loves you and cares for you. Jesus said, “For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16
You are promised an eternal life with your Heavenly Father. Replace your worry with His Word. Allow your faith to grow bigger than your fear. Remember how much he loves ALL of His sons and daughters. Talk to Him. You are His.
F.O.R. Jesus 